Parenting Teens Online Resource

I found another great resource for parents online and wanted to share it with you. Parenting Teens Online includes articles on relevant topics including family, health, money, school, community, and alcohol and drugs, as well as information on technology, book reviews, and a section where you can ask an expert a question. One particularly interesting article was about reconciling our own past (errors in judgment and all) with what we tell your kids about your own teenage years. It was very interesting to read different approaches to the question.

This site also includes a section where parents can find dozens of helpful Web sites, organizations, books, movies, and video clips they have referenced in the articles. I found books about divorce, vacationing with teens, dads, stepparents, and even family dinner! Check it out and I hope you enjoy it!

Happy Halloween!

Photo credit: kiteland

Labels: Parenting, Web Resource

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Talking to Your Kids About Homosexuality

Ready or not! Sometimes the media creates a teachable moment for parents, whether we are ready or not. Last week's announcement that Albus Dumbledore, the Head of Hogwarts and protector of Harry Potter was gay, created exactly that - a moment to talk to your kids about homosexuality, discrimination and how homosexuality is portrayed in the media. The conversation mustbe structured to include your cultural or religious beliefs, but below are some basics you can use to start things off.

In my household, with teenagers brought up in the bay area, it was not that much of a newsflash, but we did discuss how we might have known, as well as a couple of story lines that we thought were not consistent with that fact, including the interactions of Dumbledore with the female owner of the Three Broomsticks, but maybe she is just a flirt. We also discussed whether or not we thought the last movies would sensationalize the idea more than necessary, but we will have to wait and see!

This might have been a tougher conversation for families with kids under 11, so I thought I would suggest a few conversation starters. For kids under 11:

• It is always a good idea to start by asking if they know what a word means, in this case, you could ask about heterosexual, homosexual, gay, lesbian, or queer. If you are feeling brave, take on bisexual, too, which is sometimes a little more difficult because we know little about the subject.
• Depending on where you live, your kids may already have friends with same-sex parents, which will make the conversation much easier because you can point out how families are families, and parents love children, no matter what sex the parents are.
• The next step is to clear up any stereotypes that might materialize when they explain the meaning of a word, and clarify that sometimes people fall in love with a person that is the same gender, so men love men and women love women.
• Depending on the maturity of the child, and the familiarity with the Harry Potter movies and books, you can talk about the story line and the fact that this fact about Dumbledore does not really change how people feel about him, or his role in Harry's life.
• You can also talk about why his sexuality may have not been reveled until the books were already written, social bias, and how people may have reacted if they were biased or prejudiced about homosexuality if the news had come earlier.
• Finally, for you cynics, you can have the conversation about "buzz" and why the media and author might be stirring up publicity for the last couple of movies.

In addition to helping kids understand what homosexuality is, this is a perfect opportunity to make sure that no matter what your views are about homosexuality, that your child knows that if s/he were gay or lesbian, that you would love him or her just as much as if they were heterosexual. This may really important if your cultural or religious beliefs suggest homosexuality is not an option because your child might think you would not love him or her if s/he was gay or lesbian.

Like all difficult conversations, it is important to be honest and let your kids know where you stand, what you expect from them, and to provide resources outside the family if you cannot talk with them about a particular subject.

Photo credit: Our Photo Stuff

Labels: GLBT, Parenting

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

A History of Manga

For all of you parents who are asking "what is Manga," this post is for you. Manga is Japanese comics, and anime is Japanese animation. The West has always liked Japanese pop culture, from the Godzilla movies of the 1950's, through Speed Racer in the 60's, PacMan in the 70's, Transformers in the 80's, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers of the 90's. Now, in 2007, Manga is the hottest trend in American publishing, and at $10 a book, and the $330 million a year market, the publishers are making quite a killing.

Manga was a little slow to gain a market in this country because it is read reversed, the Japanese way, starting from what we expect to be the back, tends to be in black-and-white, and are epic story lines, some of which go on for decades. One reason Manga did catch on though is that it contains more sex and violence than American comics and more bizarre, magic-related story lines than traditional US comics. There are two types of Manga, Japanese Manga translated into English, and American Manga, which I am told by several knowledgeable teens, sucks!

There are many different types of Manga, for example, Shojo (girls) Manga, the most recognized being Sailor Moon, focuses on romance and relationships and Shonen (boys) Manga involves nonstop action. Then there is Shonen-ai is about guy-guy relationships with no sex, Yaoi is guy-guy relationships with sex, and Yuri is female-female relationships with sex. There are also mysteries, horror, drama, romance, comedy, and even historical series.

Parents will be happy to know that the books and Internet sites where kids download free Manga come with ratings (on the back of the book) - T for teen, Teen 13 and up, Older teens, all ages, and M for mature. Unfortunately, the ratings are not consistent and depend on the publisher for the cut offs and what it is rated for - violence or sex.

Photo credit: ginieland

Labels: Book Review, Parenting

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Girls are Champions

I was introduced to an interesting site for girls last week - it is called GAC (Girls are Champions). The front page says "share your tips, your stories, your inspirations ... Learn how to play harder, get focused, stay healthy, and have more fun... Join us."

Young athletes can get coaching advice, sport psychs, workout ideas, and team information. They can read stories and poems from other female athletes, learn about women in sports, and find health-related information relevant to athletes. There is even a writing and drawing contest going on now. Their motto seems to be Move! Play! Live!

Over two decades have passed since the enactment of Title IX, a federal law prohibiting sex discrimination in federally-funded education, including athletics. Unfortunately, women and girl athletes have yet to reach parity with men. Women are still only about one-third of interscholastic and intercollegiate athletes. In addition, women college athletes receive less than 26% of college sports' operating budgets, and less than 28% of college recruiting money (Women's Sports Foundation, 2001). . As our teens get older, fewer of them stay active, exercise or participate in sports, which will have long term health consequences. It is important for parents, schools, and organizations like this one to encourage girls to stay active and be proud of their bodies and abilities. Web resources like this are sure to help!

Photo Credit: Faeryan

Labels: Fitness, Sports, Web Resource

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Love is Respect

Love is respect is the online home of the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Teens can find support and information to understand dating abuse. Peer Advocates are available for assistance and support, there are videos, and even a live chat for teens to talk about concerns about their relationships.

This is a really good site to explore with your teens as they begin a dating relationship. As parents, we tend to spend a lot of time talking about risks and less time talking about love, emotions, and respect. When newly in love, it is really easy for teen to get carried away with the emotions and excitement, without being conscious of the choices they are (or are not) making.

My favorite part of this site is the Teen Dating Bill of Rights and Pledge

I have the right:

• To always be treated with respect.
• To be in a healthy relationship.
• To not be hurt physically or emotionally.
• To refuse sex or affection at anytime.
• To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend.
• To end a relationship.

• I pledge to:
• Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
• Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
• Respect my girlfriend's or boyfriend's decisions concerning sex and affection.
• Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
• Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.

Photo Credit: noii

Labels: Relationships, Web Resource

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Stranger Danger

I know it is hard to talk about "strangers" with your kids without instilling fear in them, but all kids need to be aware of people around them and know what to do if a stranger approaches them in a public place, like on the Internet.

There have been several news reports lately about attempted abductions of young girls, and in at least in one case the girl was wary, resisted the approach, ran, and was safe. Young people need to know that they should be aware of strangers, report them to adults if they see someone at school they do not recognize, and that if a stranger tries to talk with them, or touch them, they need to run to the nearest business, building, or even home (although at a home, they should know not to enter it) - asking the first adult they see to call 911!

Kids approached by strangers need to be "loud, large and in charge," to keep themselves safe! It is sad that our world requires they know these skills, but they do! Talk to your kids! The McGruff web site has a nice game about Stranger Danger to help with younger kids.

Photo Credit: Lisamorgan

Labels: Parenting, safety

Permalink | 3 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Birth Control in Middle School?

The Portland (Maine) school board and Division of Public Health are allowing King Middle School students to get sexually transmitted infection testing and treatment, as well as birth control without notifying parents. The goal, of this controversial act, is to provide students who are participating in risky behavior access to needed health services.

Research has shown repeatedly that having the services will not encourage the students who do not participate in risky behavior to go out and look for trouble - the services will only help those who need them. It is not right, and it is sad, but there are middle school students participating in sexual behavior. Which would we as a society prefer - a 14-year old pregnant girl, or one on birth control?

It amazes me that the same society that sexualizes young girls, sells every product known to humankind with sexuality, and encourages young girls to fixate on their appearance and sex appeal, finds providing the healthcare required by the consequences of those activities inappropriate and a violation of parental rights.

I'll tell you what is a violation of my rights as a parent - that I cannot protect my children from exposure to sexuality, drugs, alcohol, and smoking without limiting their freedom. All I can do as a parent is talk to them, and mitigate the perception that "everyone" is doing it, and that participation in those risky activities is the way to become popular, successful, and strong.

Photo Credit: blmurch

Labels: Parenting, School, STD

Permalink | 2 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Tea Time with Teens

There is more and more press about the possible health benefits of tea - helping brain function, improving focus, increasing the alpha rhythms that help us feel relaxed, energizing us (with caffeine), and even providing antioxidants that may help in the treatment of Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.

All of these sound great, but I also want to point out a simpler reason to add "tea time" into your life with teens. The reason is, it slows us down and gives us an unstructured time to talk to our kids. I do not know about you, but sometimes it is easy to get into a pattern of spending time with my teens while doing other things - cooking dinner, doing dishes, folding laundry, driving, waiting in line or for a medical person, or watching TV. This may be valuable, but I am distracted and maybe not quite as in touch with their words or body language as I might be.

On the other hand, if when I get home from work, or right before bedtime, I make a pot of tea, I can usually get them to come to the table and "just talk." It helps us all shift from the busy day to home time, or helps us relax and unwind. It is during tea that I frequently hear bigger stories about friends, school, and hobbies - stuff I might not get in the "how was school today" conversations held while doing something else.

It does not have to be fancy, but that is fun, too, and whatever you do, do not start in with 20 questions, but just allow some together time without an agenda, and you may be pleasantly surprised with what you hear!

Photo Credit: Spiralz

Labels: Parenting

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Shame on RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company

As more women are dying of lung cancer than they are of breast cancer, RJ Reynolds steps up to the plate and encourages more women to smoke with Camel No.9. This new brand of cigarettes is advertised as light & luscious, with flowers, black, bright pink and teal colors - and pulls for images of being "dressed to the nines." Ads for the new brand of their most successful brand may show up in Cosmopolitan and Glamour magazines - both with large numbers of young female readers.

What will it take for companies to stop marketing smoking as stylish and glamorous? There is no research that suggests smoking helps manage weight, but we do know it will kill people who choose to smoke!

Photo Credit: Smoking girl lover

Labels: Advertising, Smoking

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Thank You: Grand Rounds 4.4

Thank you Adam at NY Emergency Medicine for hosting Grand Rounds 4.4 this week and including a link to my post about heart attacks in teens at Teen Health 411.

This week was really a great read - from Twinkies to kidney donation - it was all interesting. Thank you very much!

Photo Credit: web_guy94301

Labels: Grand Rounds

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Total Momsense by Anita Renfroe

Sometime Monday mornings just need a good laugh - so grab your tea or coffee and enjoy this new video and song from Anita Renfroe.

Here are the lyrics:
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here's your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words
I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don't forget you got to feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it's the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon
So you must play
Don't shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don't play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don't forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don't make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don't sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You'll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you're older and you're grown
Can't wait 'til you have a couple little children of your own
You'll thank me for the counsel
I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I'll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an “A,”
Get the door
Don't get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get in here
I'll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a dose of …
I don't care who started it
You're grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven's sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?
If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before that
You're too old to act this way
It must be your father's DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don't forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends
You don't need the reason why
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I'm the Mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
Ta-da

Words by Anita Renfroe
Copyright 2007 Bluebonnet Hills Music/BMI

Photo Credit: Kanko*

Labels: Parenting

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Seventeen Magazine and the Body Peace Project

Sometimes I get so excited about the media coming around, but then my hopes are dashed! I had heard that this month's Seventeen Magazine included a "Body Peace Project" to help girls love their bodies just as they are, so I was even planning on buying the October 2007 issue - to the utter surprise of my teens - but then, I looked at the contents online and no where did I see "Body Peace."

Instead, there are articles about the beauty secrets of stars, clear skin, mini makeovers, the cutest flats, make overs for making men hotter, dancing your way to a better body, eating your heart out, the real reason guys act so obnoxious, and dating drama. If the "good stuff" is in there - I will never know, because I cannot buy the issue now. I am back to disappointed!

When I searched the search function I did find a page on the web site that does include the Body Peace Pledge, which has some redeeming qualities. People can sign the pledge to:

• Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.
• Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.
• Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.
• Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.
• Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks - even if it seems harmless—because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.
• Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...
• Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.
• Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads—it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.
• Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.
• Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.
• Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.
• Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.

The pledge includes signatures from pop starts, which is great, but if I am not mistaken, some of them have "augmented" their bodies - which makes them hypocrites in my book.

Oh well - back to being responsible for helping my daughters love their (imperfect) bodies, and be conscious and critical of the messages they receive from the media - no help there!


Photo credit: Running Toddler

Labels: Beauty, Body Image

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Heart Attacks Can Occur in Teenagers

Here is a scary thought - teenagers can have heart attacks and severe chest pain in teens should not be dismissed - like that would happen.

The recent issue of Pediatrics includes an article by two cardiologists from the Heart Center at Akron Children's Hospital about heart attacks in nine healthy teenagers, eight of whom were male.

These teens were all 12 to 20 years old, without any obvious risk factors and normal coronary arteries. All nine had abnormal cardiac enzyme levels, and three had abnormalities revealed in the echocardiogram. Tests for drug abuse, cholesterol levels, and blood coagulation rate were all negative.

Just a reminder - we can all help prevent heart attacks by avoiding nicotine, controlling blood pressure, not being overweight, controlling diabetes, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, and exercising daily!

Photo credit: gandhiji40

Labels: Health Care

Permalink | 1 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Surviving a Borderline Parent

Being a teenager in our world is hard enough, but if you live with a parent who gives you mixed messages or the silent treatment, or whose mood swings from euphoria to despair in a matter of hours, it can be even harder. If as a teen you keep wondering why you are not "good enough," or if your crazy, it might be time to get some help! You will not be able to heal your parent - but you can change how you cope with your parent!

It is estimated that 4-6 million people in the United States suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and some of them are parents. Borderline personality disorder is often overlooked & misdiagnosed by therapists and denied by those who suffer from it. The symptoms of BPD include a shaky sense of identity, sudden violent outbursts, possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and the drug abuse, eating disorders, and turbulent love affairs that come from being impulsive. Those symptoms might materialize as constant finicky and "mean" statements, or a teen being put in the role of the emotional caretaker for a parent, usually a mother. Christine Lawson, author of Understanding the Borderline Mother, has a taxonomy of the troubled parent: "The Queen is controlling, the Witch is sadistic, the Hermit is fearful, and the Waif is helpless," she says, and a parent can move through those different roles quickly.

Borderline parents cannot separate their needs from the needs of others, and sometimes want children to fill those needs and can be explosive, withhold affection, and mean, when children cannot. Children living with parents suffering from BPD may get told they are a wonderful person one day, and a terrible person the next. Children in these families may be teased, confided in, have their feelings discounted or criticized, not be allowed to express emotions, denied physical and emotional affection, held to extremely high standards, and have their privacy violated.

Being raised by someone with BPD may leave teens with a low self-esteem, a lack of trust, a tendency toward perfectionism, and hypersensitivity, but fear not - there is hope. The books below will help you find consistent people in your life, and heal the wounds you are carrying. The most important thing to know is that you can learn to trust yourself, set boundaries, be firm and trust yourself and others, it will just take time. Start by finding an adult you trust to help you find a counselor.

Books:
Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem, by Roth & Friedman

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Mason & Kreger

Understanding the Borderline Mother, by Christine Lawson


Photo credit: unbathed

Labels: Mental Health

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Males, Romance and Success

Thanks to a comment on my last post about boys and romance, I set out last week to find more information about males and romance, and found a number of interesting studies. There are many studies on adolescents focus on peer interactions and relationships, but less is known about boys dating experiences than is known about how girls experience relationships. Many professionals believe that although boys are more confident when starting romantic relationships, they are less emotionally involved, and in fact basically start relationships for sex, versus girls who want romance and love.

One 2006 study published by Giordano, Longmore & Manning in the the American Sociological Review suggests something quite different - including the fact that boys are not more confident, and in fact are as emotionally engaged as females. Another study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research explored how males construct intimacy, and a third study published in Gender Issues suggested men were more willing than females to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship.

This evidence seems to suggest that there may be more to males and relationships than we know and that there is a need for more updated research, as well as resources. Males need support in relationships and some coaching on developing emotional relationships, just like girls. We may be doing a great disservice to males if we do not expect the depth of emotions we expect from teen girls.

I wonder if these results reflect a shift away from the "me" focus and a shift toward "other" and attachment. I hear more and more people talking about feeling alienated from partners, family, neighbors, community, state, and even country - and it makes me think we are about to participate in a swing back toward relationships and "others." I guess we shall see!

Photo credit: Spiralz

Labels: Boys, Relationships

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Onslaught Video by Dove

Sometimes the beauty industry does good! I know Dove is selling its products with the "Campaign for Real Beauty," but I really like the new video called "Onslaught" that encourages parents to talk to their kids before the media does. They are also providing a great real beauty web site for parents and mentors with some great activities to help build media literacy and protect self-esteem.

The average US girl has the opportunity to see an estimated 77,546 commercials by the time she is 12 years old. This growing phenomenon is having a direct impact on girls' self-image and most girls and young women report feeling anxiety or stress about their looks. As parents, we need to talk to kids about exercise, fitness, and development - so they have a realistic idea of how their genetics, size, and activity levels interact to maintain their unique body size. In addition, they are still growing and dieting is not OK. They need a healthy and varied diet. Parents and kids need to know that a child going through puberty will get stretch marks, can gain 40 lbs and grow up to 10 inches - which requires a lot of fuel. If kids do not get enough food they can get brittle bones.

Raising children who believe that enjoying life requires they be thin or with enough hunger and working out they can all look like a super model is just WRONG!!! Every person is beautiful and as parents, we need to help our children find their strength.

Photo credit: Xerones

Labels: Beauty, Body Image, Media, Parenting

Permalink | 1 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Thank You: Grand Rounds 3.54

Thank you Dr. Rob at Musings of a Distractible Mind for hosting Grand Rounds 3.54 this week and including a link to Teen Health 411.

This week was very fun to read and wonderfully strung together - thank you very much!

Photo Credit: web_guy94301

Labels: Grand Rounds

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment

Small Class Sizes and Health

Several years ago, when my kids were in a public elementary school, a couple of other concerned parents and I started a parent group to raise enough money to pay an extra teacher to keep the 4 - 6 grade class sizes low, because it was obvious that 30 kids in a classroom was too many, and every teacher and parent seemed to know it. Sadly, when I called the dean at a local university School of Education to get some support for small class size, she said something along the lines of - oh why bother - research suggests kids are fine in larger class sizes, which seemed ridiculous. Well, not being one to believe what I am told, we raised the money anyway, and for two years were able to keep the class sizes in our school down to 20, K - 6th.

I love these moments in life because lo and behold, we were just a little before our time! An article was just published in the American Journal of Public Health suggesting that class size reductions would generate a net cost savings of approximately $168,000 and a net gain of 1.7 quality-adjusted life-years (QALYS) for each high school graduate produced by small classes. When targeted to low-income students, the estimated savings would increase to $196,000 per additional graduate. The authors conclude that reducing class sizes may be more cost-effective than than most public health and medical interventions!

This is great news and yes, I admit it is greater because it matches what I believe - fewer kids in a classroom means more learning!

Photo Credit: krissi AKA Kiki

Labels: School

Permalink | 0 Comments| Email Post

Post your comment