Suggestions for Dealing with the Virginia Tech Tragedy

The events at Virginia Tech shattered everyone's normal sense of urgency as we race towards the end of the school year hoping to participate in events or finish projects and papers. The normal routine may seem less significant in light of this tragedy, as we try to understand the bizarre behavior of one very disturbed young man who struck down his classmates and faculty. For many the calm and safety we so often feel in our lives has vanished and is being replaced with a sense of anxiety and fear.

Below I have listed some things you might want to think about to help address those feelings and bring some calm back into your everyday life, and the lives of the teens you love.

• Seek out friends with whom you can talk to about your fears and share your concerns (try to avoid those who will escalate your anxiety);
• Talk with teens about what happened and encourage them to tell you how they are feeling. Help them accept that their reactions, (fear, anxiety, depression etc.) are normal responses to the tragedy but don’t let the conversation wonder off into a sea of speculation and “what ifs;”
• Sadly, the press has made so many comments regarding Cho’s ethnicity that it has resulted in many people focusing on his ethnicity as though it were the reason for his disturbed behavior. Please make every effort to help students and others recognize that it was his mental illness that caused him to do these horrific things, not his ethnicity;
• encourage students to stay focused on the task of getting to the end of the school year. This is one of those times when having a ton of things to do can be very useful; and,
• Be careful of watching too much TV and media news coverage. While it is important to have information, TV and the media can be filled with a lot of hype that only elevates your fears.

Some other reactions you and the teens you love may experience could be irritability, sadness, and perhaps sleeplessness. If you find yourself being angry, irritable or less patient with the people who are closest to you, talk with them and explain why you are reacting this way. Let them know how you are feeling and how this tragedy has had an impact on you. Should these feelings persist for too many days, please do reach out for someone to talk to.

Be kind to yourself. Make time to do good things for yourself and with people you love and who care about you. Remember that none of us is alone. Tell people you care about that you do care.

Labels: Tragedy

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Are Males Dominant, Disconnected, and Dangerous?

Here is a little more evidence to help you monitor what your kids are being exposed to at home or day care, via movies. A 2006 research brief commissioned by the See Jane Program at Dads & Daughters suggests that G-rated movies are portraying males outnumbering females, seldom in significant relationships, and as physically aggressive. The report, "G Movies Give Boys a D," includes results from the content analysis of the 101 top-grossing G-rated movies released from 1990 through 2004 conducted by the Annenberg School for Communication (ASC) at the University of Southern California (USC).

This report analyzed 4,249 speaking characters in both animated and live-action films finding 72% of the characters were male and mostly white male characters with non-white characters portrayed as more aggressive, isolated, and most often as sidekicks, comic relief, or villains. In addition, G-rated films do not frequently show males as parents, or as partners in committed relationships, providing a notable lack of positive role models in a society with high rates of divorce and absent fathers.

Given this unequal and unrealistic portrayal of males, not only are children learning that it is better to be male, they are also likely to adopt the perception of males as aggressive - not good for boys or girls. What we need are characters that are perceived as courageous for standing up against sexism and violence!

The next time you watch a movie with your children, you can pay attention to the characters, discussing the portrayal of both male and female characters, pointing out the lack of diversity or accuracy, helping protect them from adopting negative stereotypes. You can also point out positive examples of characters treating each other with dignity and respect, for example, the cooperation between the siblings in "The Last Mimzy," which is the best movie I have seen lately, fine for kids, but rated PG."

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Labels: Boys, Media

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Grand Rounds 3.31: Thank You

I want to thank Liana at Med Valley High for hosting Grand Rounds 3.31 this week and including my review of "Totally Wired" by Anastasia Goodstein. This week had some great posts included.

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It Is T.V. Turn Off Week!

Welcome to TV Turn Off Week, April 23 - 29, 2007

If you haven't done it already, sit down with your family and talk about why you are participating in TV Turn Off Week this year and what the plan will be for the hours you normally watch TV. Do you have a house or garden project you want to start? Have you been wanting to do a community service project together? Is there a book you want to read out loud together? Does the dog need a bath? How about a neighborhood walk each evening at 8 PM?

My kids and I have a list of favorite games we want to play - that are usually only played when camping and traveling - mancala, quiddler, spoons, and speed. I did have to agree to let them tape the couple of shows we normally watch (or tape) during the week so they can watch them later.

TV Turn Off Week has been shared by millions of people since it started in 1995 as an opportunity to think, create, do something new, and most especially, re-connect with our families, community, and school.

We are raising one of the least physically active and most overweight generation ever and 40% of American families eat dinner with a TV on. Turning the TV off this week lets you add some regular physical exercise to your day, find new ways to share time with your family, and in general, get more out of life! Have fun!

To celebrate - here is a poem written by one of my daughters:

Drunk on TV/Turn Off That TV And Read
By Madison Brown-Moffitt
April, 2007

There is nothing more boring,
Unappetizing, or shallow.
Realize that your life is racing by
Never noticing the flare and fun

Of books, and literature
Fun can also be exercise
Few exercise a lot

To tell the truth, neither do I
However, if you sit and stare
Another day will run away.
That television, which rots your brain.

Though you burn fewer calories than sleeping,
Vast amount of people sit there

Again slaves to the flickering lights.
Never interacting, never speaking,
Day will fade to night.

Revolving are the stars,
Each brain rots
As they sit there,
Drunk on the flashing screen.

Previous Teen Health 411 Posts: Turn Off the TV
Resources: Center for Screen-Time Awareness
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Labels: Media, TV

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The Birds, The Bees, and Me: A Review

I reviewed two DVDs with my kids last night from the National Training Organization for Child Care Providers called "The Birds, The Bees, and Me: For Boys" and "The Birds, The Bees, and Me: For Girls." These DVDs are a short (about 17 minutes each) and fun introduction to puberty, sex, and childbirth for kids 8 to 14 years old, but most appropriate for the 8 - 10 crowd I think. The script is pretty much the same for both videos and includes the same clips from a pediatrician, but the DVD for boys has a young man named Jason narrating and the one for girls includes a young woman named Sara as the narrator. Both youth are attractive, white, and appear very comfortable with the subject matter.

Both DVDs have cute animated graphics, our favorite was of an erect penis with hearts that fly off it. The message in both DVDs is clear - sex requires responsibility, do not rush into adulthood, sex is a decision, and abstinence is the best option. These DVDs reinforce how normal puberty is and discuss sex (as baby making) very matter-of-factly. I really liked that the DVDs say repeatedly, "talk to your parents, grandparents, teachers, or doctor," "ask any questions," and "it is normal for you, and parents, to be a little embarrassed."

My kids both said the same thing - these DVDs are a great start for a parent who is a little shy about bringing up these issues with an 8 - 10 year old, but older kids will think they are a little "cheesy" and parents would have to include information about condoms and birth control for the older kids. They also wanted a female doctor on the DVD for girls, but that was a secondary consideration.

In addition to being used by families to start the sex talk, I think these DVDs could be used at Parent Education sessions as an ice beaker and way to encourage parents to start talking to their kids about sex, if they have not started already.

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Labels: DVD Review, Sexuality Education

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Totally Wired: Book Review

Totally Wired: What Teens and Tweens are Really Doing Online by Anastasia Goodstein, author of Ypulse.com is approaching a second printing and was just released in March, 2007. This book is a great read for parents of teens and tweens who may need a little information about the technological lives of their children. Totally wired provides information, a glossary, resources, and interviews with teens, professionals, and parents about Internet use, safety, and its potential for good. Being a teen is not what it used to be and we parents need a little techno-tutoring, which this easy-to-read book provides!

Ms. Goodstein provides some wonderful content, including a sidebar about the moral panic of different generations sure that youth would be ruined - reading (18th century), movie houses (1900s), dancing and jazz (1920s), comic books, (1930s), Elvis Presley (1950s), and as a boomer, I would add free love (1960s) - none of which ruined an entire generation. She provides a demographic summary of baby boomers (born between 1945 and 1965), Generation X (1965-1985), and Generation Y (1985 - today), that is informative, and in a strange way, comforting, about what it means to be growing up digitally. She refocuses the fear about our kids being approached by predators into a teachable moment - teach them not to respond, and educates us about the rewards of being totally wired - some of which was new to me!

This wonderful book also reinforces the need for parents to connect with their kids - hear their music, see their Myspace page, and play their video games - in order to keep a dialogue open, share experiences, and set boundaries for them. The inner life of teens is far more public than most parents can imagine, and our kids need to understand how sharing their feelings, or pictures could invite negative judgment or outcomes from schools, employers, or college admissions staff - a new parenting task, one that this book will prepare us to do.

I encourage every parent to read this book, go to some of the Internet sites listed, and "get connected." The world our children are growing up in is changing - and we need to keep up!

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Labels: Book Review

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Grand Rounds 3.30: Thank You

Thank you fat doctor for hosting Grand Rounds 3.30 this week and including my post about promiscuity on college campuses. I have enjoyed becoming familiar with your blog!

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Prom Dresses for Girls Size 16 and Above

There was a great article in the Wichita Eagle by Loretta Grantham about Prom gown dresses for plus-size teens. Can I just say, "it is about time!" The article includes links to SydneysCloset.com and Torrid.com, and I also want to suggest promdressshop.com and Silhouettes.com which all carry magnificent dresses for special occasions. No more making your own dress because you cannot find one that fits, although the prices may still be a barrier for some girls, these dresses will help any girl feel beautiful. I do have to say that I was annoyed that SydneysCloset included some small models, which will not help a larger girl see how the dress will fit her, but at least the size chart can help the chances a dress will fit.

The author points to the fact that 21% of 12-19 year olds are overweight, and 16% are more than 30 pounds overweight, but that all girls want to look great for fancy occasions, including prom. The self-esteem of every young woman will be enhanced by feeling gorgeous, appealing, and special. Thank goodness there are alternatives to mall shopping and that it has become acceptable for groups of friends to attend these events - providing a chance for everyone to dress up and sparkle!

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Labels: Body Image

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How does the Internet Affect HIV Prevention?

A fact sheet on the Center for AIDS Prevention Studies (CAPS) at UCSF discusses the Internet as a social networking tool with the potential to help HIV prevention efforts. Although the fact sheet is mostly about adults, specifically men-who-have-sex-with-men (MSM), the information still points to the Internet as a powerful medium to deliver health and risk-reduction information.

Many individual use the Internet to meet people, including teens. Unlike meeting people in day-to-day lives, the Internet allows access across geographical spaces and allows people who would not meet face-to-face to establish relationships based on similar interests, or desired activity, and in the worst case, participate in sexually risky activities. Since a syphilis outbreak in 1999 was traced back to users of specific chatrooms, we have known that the Internet can enhance sexual risk.

On the other hand, the Internet may facilitate HIV prevention because it is anonymous and people can get information privately, disclose HIV status, or discuss condom use before meeting in person. It also provides public health with an opportunity to market HIV prevention messages relatively inexpensively. The Internet, with the support of online service providers, can increase HIV awareness, positively influence attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, as well as collect data for prevention efforts.

Specifically, moderators and blog owners can promote HIV knowledge, deliver education about safer sex, and develop specific HIV prevention sites for hard-to-reach populations, including isolated people, rural areas, GLBT youth, etc... These interventions can operate cost effectively around the clock, be easily modified, and are easily accessible and convenient in the privacy of people's homes.

The potential of the Internet is impressive, however, additional support is needed to evaluate these HIV prevention efforts, offer more web-based health assessment and referral systems, and develop additional policies and encouragement for Internet-based companies to promote safer behaviors.

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Labels: HIV

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Manorexia: Males and Eating Disorders

A recent parenting tip from commonsense media reported that 25% of anorexics and bulimics, as well as 40% of binge eaters were men. Unlike females, who just want to be thin, men involved with recent research at Harvard cite a desire to have chiseled bodies and "six-pack" abs like those of famous TV and movie stars and athletes.

To help our teens resist unhealthy ways of obtaining perfect bodies, commonsense media suggested we do a number of things:

• Tell our teens that few men actually look like those famous people, and if they do it is with a lot of support, work, in some cases, surgery, and money;
• Ask our kids about their friends risky behavior including disordered eating, steroid use, and over exercising;
• Watch for signs of eating disorders including drastically changing eating patterns, vomiting, sudden weight loss, large muscle growth, and a jump in exercising time.

A newer, and less accepted form of disordered eating is called "orthorexia" and manifests as a fixation with only eating food that is healthy or organic. Not a bad thing unless the need to eat well becomes the primary focus of life and eating must be balanced by excessive exercise. If you are concerned about your teen's eating, make an appointment with your child's doctor immediately. The earlier intervention begins, the more likely it is to be successful.

Online Reources: National Eating Disorders Association; Healthline; We're Talking Teen Health

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Labels: Body Image, Eating Disorders

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Condom Availability in Schools - or Maybe Homes

Why is such an easy thing so hard? We know that some high school students are having sex; only about 60% of those students use any form of protection during sex; more than 3 million teens a year get a sexually transmitted infection; most unwanted pregnancies happen before women are 19; and teens are not great planners.

As adults, we might prefer teens not have sex, but we want teens to be healthy, avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). So, wouldn't it seem smart of us to make condoms easily accessible, and encourage teens to protect themselves? Of course!

However, in spite of the fact that here has been research published for nearly 20 years that documents teens with private, confidential, and free access to condoms are more likely to use them, and that having condoms available does not lead to more sexual activity, schools keep struggling with this issue. The Oakland school board voted in 2005 to allow contraception distribution at high schools as long as it was provided by school-based health clinics or community organizations. Students asking for condoms received a "prescription" to be redeemed at certain drug stores, a practice students found cumbersome and embarrassing. Duh!

There is hope though - the Alameda Board of Education recently voted to make condoms available at health centers in Alameda and Encinal high schools - hopefully, in baskets with information privately located in restrooms or places where youth can access them privately versus on countertops in the middle of the health center. We shall see!

Of course, an alternative to students getting condoms at school would be getting them at home! I have to wonder what the impact would be on unwanted pregnancy and STIs if parents everywhere announced at the dinner table one night that there would be condoms available in the family bathroom from now on and that those condoms would be replenished without question during the weekly shopping trip.

What a great message that would be - parents care about prevention! We give you helmets, elbow and knee pads, seat belts, driver training, HPV shots, good eating habits, enough sleep, and condoms! Go forth sweet teens and live healthy!

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Labels: Sexuality Education

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Adolescent Brains and Risky Choices

A new NIMH study documenting brain development could help explain why adolescents are prone to make riskier choices than adults and make it easier to detect mental illness. Results of this new study by Monique Ernst, MD, PhD, and her colleagues from the NIMH Emotional Development and Affective Neuroscience Branch were published in the March 9th issue of Neuropyshologia.

The study involved a game of chance played by 16 seemingly normal adolescents and 14 adults, who at each turn could choose a high-risk or low-risk option to try to win. Scientist measured brain activity while the participants made their choices using technology called functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI).

The result suggest that adolescents to not engage the higher-thinking, decision-and-reward areas of the brain as much as adults do, suggesting they are not developed yet. When contemplating risky decisions, adolescents show less activity in the orbitofrontal/ventrolateral prefrontal cortex and dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which is one of the last areas of the brain to develop during adolescence.

The functional message is that as parents, we should not expect our teens to be making decisions that require weighing future consequences!

Related Previous Posts: Teenage brain

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Labels: Teen Development

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A Book I Won't Be Reading

I read a very disturbing article written by LJ Anderson in my local paper recently, about a new book by Miriam Grossman, MD, a staff psychiatrist at UCLA, and author of "Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student."

The article painted a picture of universities permeated by open sexuality endorsed by administration, where young co-eds are suffering the consequences of hooking up by getting pregnant and sexually transmitted infections, as well as suffering from loneliness, anxiety, and heartache caused by their chaotic and empty relationships. All of this trauma is due to the vulnerability of women and a misconception that promiscuous behavior is a way to fit in, and a culture that dupes women with the fraudulent ideology that they are like men, and can appreciate sex without commitment.

The solution to this "sex without consequences" mentality is of course, waiting and finding a partner who has also waited, I assume until the average age of marriage in the United States, which is currently about 28 for women and over 30 for men.

As if that was not enough, the article also states that HIV is transmitted only by anal sex, shared needles, or having a sexual partner who does those things - clearing the way for teens and young adults to live in denial about their own risk for HIV.

I am sorry, but in this day and age, blaming our culture and women for the misery, and completely ignoring the role of sexuality education from schools, parents, and the community is just insulting!

Related Previous Posts: Relationships & Sex in the 21st Century, HIV & Teens, Teens & Sex, Abstinence only vs. Sexuality Education

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Labels: Book Review

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Grand Rounds 3.28: Thank You

Thank you Dr. Keagirl at Urostream for hosting Grand Rounds 3.28 this week and including my post about the importance of mothers and community.

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Labels: Grand Rounds

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Selling Food to Children: Why is Obesity a Problem?

Here is an assignment for you - watch TV with your tween one day and count the food advertisements - a recent study suggests you will see about 21 a day, and 34% of them will be advertising candy or snacks, 28% will be for cereal, and 10% will be for fast food!

As obesity becomes a bigger and bigger problem, federal organizations including the Institute of Medicine (IOM) and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) have called for voluntary changes in the advertising of food to children. To help inform this debate, the Kaiser Family Foundation has released the largest study ever conducted of TV food advertising to children.

The study, "Food for Thought: TV Food Advertising to Children in the United States," suggests that tweens see the most (about 7,600 a year), and many send them to a web site for games, prizes, and surprise, more advertising! The study is based on a sample of 1,638 hours of TV content (which I hope included hazardous duty pay), which included 8,854 food ads.

One more reason to lose the TV!

Related Previous Posts: Couch Potato? Online Advertising, Childhood Obesity

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Labels: Advertising, Obesity

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